“Confidence is not, ‘they will like me.’ Confidence is, ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.” – Christina Grimmie

Grimmie’s words are interesting because so many people who appear confident may not actually be.

There are many ways to crack the code of fake self-assuredness. So, how can you tell if confidence is genuine or just for show? You should look at a person’s motivation, outlook and values. 

When looking at the motivations, it’s important to see if confidence it comes from a desire to be popular or make friends.

When you want to be liked by everyone, you naturally try your hardest to fit in. You might even find yourself putting your individual passions and dreams aside to follow whatever’s trending on Instagram. Before you know it, you can completely lose yourself. Unfulfilled passions can bring feelings of regret or grief, and become the root of unhappiness Unhappy people tend to attract other unhappy people. If you’re happy, however, you’re more likely to attract likeminded people. 

One reason a lot of people are attracted to confident individuals is not only because they have charisma, but because they know themselves deeply. When you know who you are, you’re probably more likely to go after what you want and pursue people who add positivity to your life. When you love your job, family and friends, how can you not love life? 

At the same time, however, you may attract negative people. When toxic people surround you, your interaction may feel unnatural. This is an important red flag. You must be wary of these ‘energy vampires’ because they often feed off your happiness and may try to suck it right out of you.

Another way to discover if confidence is real or fake is to observe the person’s outlook on life. How realistic are their goals? How do they try to accomplish these goals?

A truly confident person has the ability to understand the gravity of a situation, yet still have faith things will work out. This mentality can help you through troubling times in life. 

You should constantly try to challenge yourself with new things and test your braveness. When you’re brave, you force yourself to let go of insecurities. Think of all the times you may have thought someone was attractive, but never approached them because you assumed they wouldn’t like you. Or maybe consider those moments when you were judgmental of someone just because you didn’t believe good people still existed. 

The more you believe the lies in your head that whisper, “most people are terrible” and “I’m not good enough,” the more these thoughts become reality. You must not allow your mind to be tied down by these guidelines that are simply figments of your imagination. Instead, go after with what piques your interest and hang out with whoever makes you happy. You should live like this until you see a reason to change. If you stop letting negative naggings in your mind tear you down, you can lose restrictions because you’ll realize that pointless social constructs make no sense! Freedom will then swoop in and save you – this is when adventure begins.

Still can’t tell the difference between genuine and inauthentic confidence? Look at what the person values most in their friendships and relationships. It’s important to see what types of friends they have. Are these friends all popular? Are they all very similar? Does this person welcome new friends into the circle? How often is that person’s friend group growing or changing?

The more a person struggles with insecurities, the less likely they are to expand their friend groups. They fear losing their place and power. Someone who displays true confidence will enjoy hanging with tons of different people because they don’t see it as a competition.

Looking at things like a competition is harmful because it’s, a one-dimensional approach. You’re often unable to appreciate the unique attributes every new person can bring to a group.

When you lack the basic qualities of a strong relationship, like encouragement, you may begin to let concerning things be swept under the carpet. This is what often causes people to settle for less than they deserve. All your close relationships should be epic; accept nothing less!

The scariest thing about insecurities is that they strip us of high-intensity happiness.

You deserve to have great partners, sensational friends and to fill your time with new, interesting people. Don’t live in the past or give negative thoughts any power. A truly confident person soars because they have power that money can’t buy.

If you’d like to learn more about tapping into true confidence and attracting genuine people, tune in to ‘Ask Maddie’ Fridays from 12pm-1 pm to on 94.5 FM WSQF Blink radio Key Biscayne. Or, you can live stream at wsqfradio.com/live and on Facebook at Madelyn Werder. Feel free to write-in questions to my Instagram: @madelynwerder

words_madelyn werder photo_ finerminds.com