If you haven’t heard of Hamilton, I want to know what rock you’re living under. The hit broadway play has constantly sold out shows, with tickets reaching into the hundreds. Created by In the Heights‘ Lin-Manuel Miranda, Hamilton tells of the original founding father and about his rise and demise. The play has no dialogue, only songs, so go to Spotify and educate yourself; you will be hooked instantly, guaranteed.

Although based on a the true story of Alexander Hamilton, the play is pretty dramatic filled with plot twists with incredible characters. If we were to amp it up a bit and make it a telenovela, it’d be a little different. Here’s what would really happen if Hamilton were a telenovela.

• His name would be Alejandro Hernandez instead of Alexander Hamilton.
• Instead of writing his way out of the Caribbean, he’d probably be a political prisoner from Cuba.
• His mother wouldn’t have died, she would’ve put on a bit of VapoRub and been totally fine.

• He wouldn’t have asked for Aaron Burr’s help, he would’ve made Burr work for him.
• Angelica and Alejandro would have had an affair instead of with Maria Reynolds. Peggy la chismosa would have told the nanny and somehow, the whole neighborhood would know.
• Satisfied would be about how Angelica and Alejandro found time to ~have fun~ in the wedding, so technically, ‘satisfecha.’
• Alejandro would have been stealing money from the government but not for his affair but to send to a secret twin brother in Cuba.
• “Word got around saying this kid is insane man!” more like, “este tipo esta loco!”
• Instead of forgiving him twice, once for the affair and the second for knowing about their son’s emminent death, the telenovela version of Eliza would never be this kind. She would probably have cut off his genitalia and killed him or something. That was her son!
• Alejandro Hernandez would’ve told Philip to fight George Eacker because he had to defend the family’s name and then chaperoned a fist fight. No weapons, como un hombre.
• Instead of the Reynolds Pamphlet being his demise, he’d be famous for the first sex scandal and probably praised for it.
• When battling with Burr, Alejandro aims to shoot but, in a telenovela plot twist, is killed by Eliza in a surprising turn of events.

• Eliza is here for no one’s stupidity.
• “Bright young man… Oye quien es este? Ah es el amigo del otro.”
• The Schyuler Sisters would’ve never been out alone in the first place, you know there has to be a chaperone.

Alina Zerpa is a senior majoring in journalism and psychology, a major Oreo enthusiast and spends way too much time on Tumblr. 

words_alina zerpa.