I did not give much thought to about the contemporary African

experience before I took a Post-Colonial African History class in high school.

Since then I’ve become cognizant of the issues that African people have had to

face in their respective countries since the times of slavery. My views before

that class were ignorant; I believed that while African Americans had been

enslaved that Africans had somehow prospered. Rather than actually looking

into that information I led a good portion of my life with these beliefs. My toxic

assumptions let me continue to live in this ignorance, to create a rift between

the African American experience and the African one. After finding out more

about the black African experience, I became more interested in what exactly

identity meant in the black community. A lot of times I found that identity,

often could be used as a weapon. The history of “blackness” and identity has a

pattern of being one where black people are forced to conform, erase, or ignore

the identities. This was not just a pattern in America, where enslaved Africans

were forced to erase the identities they came with, and to only see themselves

as property. This was a pattern in Africa as well where many times colonizers

came on “civilizing missions” to eliminate what they deemed “primitive”

practices of Africa’s natives.

Knowing this history, was perhaps why I was so excited to read Zinzi

Clemmons “What We Lose,” which explores the life of a young woman

grappling to understand her ethnic identity as a South African and as an

American. The book, follows the life of Thandi through sometimes more poetic

vignettes, and other times more prose-like recollections of her past and

realizations about her future. Thandi, struggles with balancing her identity as a

South African woman, while also trying to understand what it means to be

black in America. The book illustrates an occurrence in the history of American

society; though enslaved Africans were brought to this country and told to

strip themselves of culture, they instead redefined their identities. The book

illustrates these concepts, showing Thandi’s battle between fully connecting

with black culture vs. fully connecting with South African culture. Despite this

internal struggle, she also battles with the image that American society forces

her to conform into, an image that forces all black people to conform to a sense

of being that is not analogous with Thandi’s ethnic background.

The socio-racial climate of South Africa is a difficult one to wrap one’s

head around. Clemmons explores in her book as she addresses colorism, which

is defined as “prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin

tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group .” The term

“coloured” describes a racial demographic in South Africa but it’s exact

meaning assigned to a person is ambiguous. “Coloured” is supposed to mean a

mixed person by South African standards, but sometimes this term can be

applied to fair skinned black South Africans. Knowing when this applies causes

the ambiguity in understanding the identities of people of color in South

Africa. Paired with the violent history of colonialism (hopefully we all

remember what Nelson Mandela had to go through) in South Africa, this term

becomes even more ambiguous. Today, due to the effects of colonialism, racial

identity in South Africa remains a troubling, and at many times confusing,

issue.

Along with problems of ethnic and racial identity, Thandi also struggles

with the loss of her mother, her waning relationship with her father, her

relationships with friends, extended family, and lovers. While some may think

that racial and ethnic identity have nothing to do with these struggles,

Clemmons makes sure to show that they in fact, have a strong correlation.

These correlations show in what Thandi views as attractive, or what she

perceives others view as attractive. Clemmons commitment to showing these

correlations symbolizes the fact that in society today, though we like to shy

away from race in things like politics, entertainment, love, and relationships,

race in fact plays a part in all of these things.

“What We Lose” is a story written through elegant vignettes; despite

their length, I felt as though I still had a personal lens inside the life of Thandi.

I enjoyed Zinzi Clemmons style of writing; it was original, poetic, and

emotional. I’ve noticed a trend in the literary world of this style of

writing–poetic prose that has a whimsical feel to it at times. At the same time,

I felt this book at times, reminded me of Toni Morrison’s “Beloved,” in how it

defined maternal sacrifices. I felt that Clemmons brought her own zest to it in

moments when Thandi was brutally honest to herself, and honest to others

around her. I think that is an essential lesson that Thandi’s story teaches:

sometimes in order to understand the mystery of our lives, the purpose, we

have to be brutally honest with ourselves. Taking a note from Thandi,

sometimes that honesty can be coming to terms with one’s own privilege, or

recognizing when you’re wrong. Maybe it’s coming to terms that you are in a

toxic relationship or, that you may be the toxic person in the relationship. The

truth can hurt, but unlike the festering wound of a lie, that hurt can heal. As the

saying goes, the truth will set you free .