The rivalry between the University of Miami and Florida State runs deep (note such instances as “wide right” and slogans such as “It’s not a rivalry if they can’t beat us” strewn across t-shirts). Every year, this rivalry comes to a head when both teams meet either in beautiful, sunny South Florida or in the strange land of Tallanasty. This year, the latter was the case and the differences were stark.
1. Elevation. The first thing you notice when entering Tallahassee is the elevation. Coming from the flat land that is Miami, seeing hills is always startling. What are those and how does one go about going over one? These are just a few seemingly nonsensical questions that come to mind. FSU is full of elevation, bringing to mind the question of how they manage to stay drunk during tailgates with all that walking. Also, why don’t more people have rock hard calves?
2. Bad fireworks. Having never been inside Doak Campbell Stadium, I heard many rumblings of amazing fireworks that went on during the beginning and end of the game. When UM students picture fireworks we think of the awe-inspiring spectacle that happens over Lake Osceola during Hurricane Howl. That is not what happened. These fireworks were mediocre at best and left smoke behind that proceeded to come over the seats. Maybe being from The U, I just have higher standards, but regardless: unimpressed.
3. A Stadium that doesn’t sell alcohol. We complain about Sun Life a lot. It’s too far, it’s not actually our stadium, the list goes on. But you know what? At least it sells alcohol. Beer and football have been a dynamic duo since the beginning of time, to the point that they are synonymous. FSU rids students and visitors alike of this near sacred football tradition. Someone should get a petition started or something.
4. Too much nature. Now, this one might seem a bit pretentious but bear with me. At UM our campus is full of manicured palm trees. Yes, Coral Gables is full of vegetation, but at FSU it’s everywhere. All you see is trees, and not in a majestically haunting, weeping willow kind of way, but rather in an excessive, unnecessary kind of way, which if you think about it is a metaphor for their school.
5. Strip mall “clubs”. It is easy to complain about the long lines and slightly absurd cover charges at LIV and other popular Miami clubs, but imagine a place where the best clubs were in a strip mall. This place exists. It is called Tallahassee and it is terrible. After the game everyone was so pumped about going out to Coliseum, one of their strip mall gems, except not only did it supposedly close at 2 am but you had to pay $25 dollars to get in. #bye.
6. People dressed like they were going out. They make fun of us because we are too relaxed in our tailgate attire when really, we should be teasing them for trying too hard. When we go out to games we proudly rep The U, it’s logo and our mascot instead of just the colors there of. If you’re tailgating right, while you do want to look cute, your main objective is to be comfortable, which is seemingly hard in a short dress and heeled booties. Sorry FSU, you’re missing the point.
7. The actual worst fans. While this isn’t intended to be a blanket statement, (because there are exceptions to every rule) Florida State fans are known to be pretty awful and this game proved it. From the obnoxious FSU fan who sat in the UM student section spewing atrocities, to the person who threw beer at our band, or the lady who said we should go back to Miami and “be ugly,” they take the rivalry a bit too far. There’s a vast difference between school pride sprinkled with friendly competition and outright disrespect. Such difference has yet to be discovered by FSU fans.
8. Surprisingly named areas of campus. You can’t go to FSU without hearing about the infamous “Rape Trial” and “Rape Tunnel.” Shockingly enough, people speak of it nonchalantly although even though allegedly, real assaults have happened in those places. Why a group of students would accept this as a part of their campus culture is appalling. It truly doesn’t get much “nastier” than that.
9. A stadium without actual seats. Maybe we are spoiled by our accommodations, but I was a little confused when I showed up to my seat and there wasn’t an actual seat but rather a bleacher spot with a number. Because that’s a super effective way to control seat designations. Sorry Sun Life, I’ll never say another bad thing about you again.
10. A non-tailgate “tailgate.” Will someone please explain how a bunch of loosely strung together house parties translates into a tailgate? Sorry, but tailgates are U shaped funnels in the back of someone’s truck or under a tent at Sun Life. The camaraderie that comes from having all your friends in one place and having everyone else a few steps away is crucial to the full tailgate experience. At Florida State you have to walk miles between houses to see people. Our spirit is plentiful even if, as they like to say, “we can’t fill our stadium,” which by the way is because we have an NFL sized stadium and we certainly do “tailgate harder than your team plays”.
Once again FSU, you are doing it wrong.
Cindy Ferreiro is a senior majoring in political science and English literature. She loves fine wine and hopes to one day take over D.C. When she’s around, there’s no need to fret- it’s handled.